so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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