you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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