pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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