The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love having hate sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
