If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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