Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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