I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
