I'm really into asian looking animals
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
