I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
