Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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