This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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