I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
