I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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