Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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