you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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