Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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