doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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