his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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