How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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