forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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