my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this will be a night to untag.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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