you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
