i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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