My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
