I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
