I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
