I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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