he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dear god my vagina.
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