I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
