i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
