from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
