so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
