I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
