guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Say something about gay babies.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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