One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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