lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
