Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i have two assholes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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