she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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