Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
