Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
