i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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