i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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