ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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