I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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