So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
