I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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