I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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