I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
