I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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