i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
