So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
