i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
