he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
