I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
