someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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