did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
