I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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