im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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