My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
