No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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