My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
