Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
