i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
