i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
