i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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