I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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