I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
