dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
