you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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