Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
