you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
