I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
