so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
