He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude. I can hear the air.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
