whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want her autograph on my taint
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
