dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As shirtless as possible
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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