your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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