is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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