that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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