no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
