im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Found the puke drawer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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