take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize