Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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