I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
