i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well you can't waste a boner
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
