Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
