Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
