Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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