my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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