The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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