You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
