Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
