you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
